Getting Through a Rough Time

It's a Wednesday night and I'm having a difficult time sleeping. I know it has been a rough ten months or so for me and my son. I lost one my best friends and he lost a dad. I don't mean as in dead lost, I mean as really not part of our life anymore. Not only did we lose him we lost my son's brothers. I know this break up is for the best but was it really necessary to replace me so quick? I feel hurt and betrayed. Does my feelings not count at all? I was a mom to your kids and gave birth to our son. Granted I was not perfect by any means but to replace me so quickly. I know I am not a big part of my exes life. It is sad that for four years I loved someone as my best friend but in the end I pretty much got betrayed. Stabbed in the back. I never lied or cheated on him. I loved him, I know I resented him for a bit for getting me pregnant.  I don't know how many times I had to tell him it was my pregnancy hormones raging. I know I pushed him away and became a horrible monster at one point. There are things I would like to change but I can't. I must not dwell in the past, its only going to leave me hurt. I'm already hurting enough. I'm constantly reminded that his gf is a big part in his and the kids life. I understand that. I just wish he would understand my feelings on some things. Me being upset cause he wants to bring his gf up here when he visits. She has no right being up here. She is not a big part of our sons life. This is not her place. It should be just about him and his son. She should not be a factor. Now when my son visits his dad is a different story. I understand and respect that his dad's house is her place and home. Therefore I am not objecting her to be around our son. The thing is respect me enough to not bring her around my home. When he comes to visit she has no place coming up with him. He should want to see his son sometimes without her. Like I said she is not important to my son. He has a mom and she should know her place. I don't care if I get called a selfish person but it still hurts. I'm getting better with time but it is hard to move on when you spent a lot of time with a person. I mean I at one time was his forever. I realize now forever doesn't exists and I was foolish to believe he loved me. Another thing that has been bothering me is the fact he hardly just texts me to ask how our son is. I know he's got his little happy go lucky family but don't forget about our kid in the process. I find it funny how his dad griped to me bout them having a hard time keeping food in the house. I mention his woman should get a job and he replies that she has one, just doesn't pay. Yeah here's the thing dude, I got two jobs. One that pays and off on weekends, another that doesn't pay and never has off days. Understand being a housewife is a job. But also understand that your kids are in school, she's capable of getting a day job. Then maybe, just maybe, you wont have to rely on the government for food stamps. I'm just saying I also have to come home,  cook, clean, and all that housework. If money's tight, solution is to make her get a job. What's more important?  Kids eating or the kids starving? Why do you think I work? To provide for my kid and make sure I keep a roof over his head. Don't bitch at me cause you are paying child support. If you stop making babies then there wont be a problem, just saying. Basically what this boils down to is, yes I have a hard time getting over my past. I tend to get stronger at times. By all means, I am a better and stronger woman now. I am nothing like I was. I am so proud of who I am becoming.  Just I still have my hard moments where I wish I could share who I am today with my lost friend but I can't. One day ill share it with someone worthy until then don't confuse it with jealousy.